Hey Wallflower! Get up and Dance

Life is too short to be a wallflower dancer... It's time to dance a happy tune

The Wallflower by Nelda Utilini*

If you’ve been to a dance event of any kind you’ll know that social dancing can be difficult for some people and sadly not everyone always has a good time, or perhaps not as good as others appear too. Some will sit throughout many of the dances (if not all), while others never ever seem to sit down.....

Actually “wall flower dancer” is probably the wrong term to use as we know that being the wall flower will rarely get us the opportunity to dance as much as we would perhaps like.

The Saddest Song

One of the big reasons for attending a dance event is to have fun so let's not be sad. After all there is no competition! We don’t need to be perfect with the steps, and there is no reason to have long face or be too serious while moving around the floor. The main skill is the having the ability to socialise while keeping your feet in time to the music.

Of course this can be easier said than done for some people, and it is mainly what makes the difference between sitting out as the wallflower on the sidelines and getting danced off your feet. Dancing often makes many people very self-conscious, either because they don’t know the steps or because they think they are going to look silly! Other people can be so intense while performing the steps that they can barely look up, and even when they do, relaxed conversation is pretty near impossible because they are usually concentrating on the dance steps themselves.

Lets be Positive

Moving beyond the basics of dance floor etiquette, there are few rules of thumb that may help in the social aspect of dancing with a partner.

Be Prepared. If you know that there is a big event coming up that will include dancing beyond the non-contact freestyle sort, take some time and learn the steps. Take a few dancing classes in the style of the event to help you master the basics. Practice your moves to music. Watch a few online dance lessons. Then when the event comes along, you should be able to take to the floor without worrying about your skill level or having to count in your head.

Dress for a Dance. Think about the event when you plan your outfit. You are expecting to be dancing and you’ll want to feel the part. Think about comfortable dance shoes that will allow you to move safely and clothes that will make it easy for a partner to make the contact required as you move through a variety of steps and turns during the evenings dancing.

Show a Happy Face. If you want to be asked to dance, put on your happy face. Looking stern or miserable will make you appear unapproachable. Tap your fingers or toes to the music, smile, and make eye contact. It is much easier to ask someone to dance with whom you have already made eye contact.

Never Refuse a Dance. You should try never to refuse an invitation to dance. Even if the dance is with one you may not consider to be an ideal partner, most songs are no more than three or four minutes long, so dancing should not be too much strain. Being gracious and polite brings its own rewards.

Don’t Cling On. You should never dance with just one person. Dancing with a wide set of partners is a cornerstone of social dancing. It will add to your own experience and enjoyment of the social occasion, try to dance with everyone, and get everyone to dance.

Keeping the Fun Going

OK! So now you’ve made it onto the dance floor, how do you keep the fun going?

Be an entertainer. Not literally but while having a good time yourself, you should engage your partner. You can think of dancing in terms of moving to music while carrying on cocktail party conversation. Keep the dancing at a level that you can enjoy, let your sense of humour shine through and of course, Smile!

Appreciate your Dance Partner. The most popular dancers are not always the most skillful, but are often the ones who clearly appreciate and enjoy their partners company. It doesn’t matter how good your footwork and dancing skills are, most people are not interested in dancing with someone who is obviously bored or feeling put upon.

It’s not my Fault? You should never lay blame for a missed step, a timing slip, etc. When dancing socially you are not there to win medals so just continue to move keep smiling and pick up on the next beat.

Don’t Teach and Dance. Unless asked, you should never start teaching on the dance floor, you only likely to embarrass your partner which will make them unhappy. If you are a skilled dancer you should always try matching yourself to your partner’s ability level.

As a Leader! Yanking your partner’s arm to force a turn or pushing and pulling them into position will not be a nice experience. If your partner is not doing what you want, your lead is probably not clear enough or it could be beyond her own skill level. Whichever! You will need to tone it down and lead steps that can be transmitted and received enjoyably.

As a follower! Don’t try to back-lead. It is disrespectful to your partner when you steal the lead. It maybe OK and even a little fun for more experienced leaders and followers but for the inexperienced it can seriously knock them out of their stride and maybe even damage their confidence.

Keep your eyes open. Watch out for other dancers and anticipate their movements. If being led and a couple are bearing down in his blind spot, you can let him know with a little pressure on his hand or shoulder, or simply by telling him.

Remember! The purpose of social dancing is to be sociable! Each dance is often just a brief encounter that should be fun for both partners. If you approach the floor with a good attitude a sense of humour and concentrate on the enjoyment of dancing. You’ll go home well exercised and feeling happy!

* Nelda, from Hertfordshire, is a self taught painter, and uses oils and acrylics. On The Wallflower, Nelda says: "It's 1950, the village hall in Glengariff is ready for the Saturday night dance. The latest hairstyles have not reached rural Ireland yet. Bridie has waved her hair like the girl in a pre-war film star magazine. She is wearing a dress which she made herself. The roses were crocheted by her grandmother who learnt the craft from the nuns at the convent. She is longing for a dance but has to wait until she is asked. Sometimes she waits all night."